While lying in bed tonight between my two favorite girls it hit me that one year ago at this exact time I was lying there beside one girl, breathing through contractions and realizing that this would be her last night as an only child. Thanks to a long labor it wasn't exactly her last night but it was her last night laying there in bed between mom and dad.
I remember there being so many emotions. I was sad that Gwendalyn's life as an only child was coming to an end. I knew that things were going to change for her forever, and I wasn't sure what would happen. Of course, I was also anticipating the arrival of the fashionably late little girl who was still so happy snuggled up in my womb. Much like this evening though I couldn't sleep, I tried my hardest because I knew my body was up for a very hard task but I just couldn't relax enough to sleep through contractions very well. I would doze off here and there but the length of little naps were never more than 5 or 6 minutes long. I was anxious and worried about silly little things- did we have enough clean diapers, did the kitchen need to be cleaned, would we leave to late for the birth center, I didn't want to have a baby on the side of I-40.
So like many early laboring mamas I was up at 2 am washing dishes, folding diapers, sweeping the floors and packing snacks. Between all my chores I would come back to bed and lay down beside Gwen while she nursed every hour or so. I smelled her hair and held her tight and tried to enjoy the last bit of time we had left of being mother and 1 daughter.